Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Rest of Saturday

So, not much more to say, although I'm sure I'll somehow still write paragraphs and paragraphs about nothing as I get going here.

I left Richard around 2:00pm, as I still needed to make it to Mom and Ken's for dinner to pick up the boys. Dad picked me up from the hospital and brought me back to his place where I had parked my car. I guess another added bonus to this whole Leukemia thing is getting to spend extra time with my dad and have some really great conversations with him. I usually only see my dad maybe once a month or so. Now, it's a couple times a week! Thanks for the drive, Dad, and your others helpful offers to bring Richard things he may need.

I headed home, but had to stop for my coffee. I don't know if it's from not getting my coffee, but I started to get a visual migraine at the hospital. I've had about 4 of those in the past month and a half. I should start to take note of when they happen. I tend to associate them with stress. Hmmmmm. May have to get a prescription for some good 'calm me down' pills. It's been a long time since I've had anything like that! Maybe Richard and I can split some Lorazepam. Mmmmmm, Lorazepam. (not that all of you will know what Lorazepam is, but some of you will (Aili) and for those people, "You know what I'm talking about!").

Got to my mom's place around 4:40pm. Had a really nice visit. Nice dinner. Nice tea. Nice hugs and love. Thank you so much, Mom, for taking the boys overnight. It was great to get to stay with Richard. Mom said, "Wish you could come stay here with us." That was a really nice hug. I said, "Thanks."

And then I said, "No thanks." LOL. Who wants to move back home?

But, it's nice to know that I always have somewhere to go. Love you Mom.

Oh yeah. When I was at mom's we were talking about perspectives changing and seeing things in a different way. I was talking about really looking at my Grandma's time with my Grandpa when he had Cancer in a very different way. I was only about 10, but I definitely remember driving with my mom after school and after she got off work every day to St. Paul's Hospital in Vancouver. I remember doing my homework in the hospital room many many times. But what I really didn't realize at the time, was what it must've been like for my Grandma, or my mom for that matter. I remember my Grandma saying that she felt so 'angry' sometimes. I figure that phase is going to hit, but I'm not looking forward to it.
Whoa... I totally went off on a tangent. That wasn't what I meant to talk about, but it's out there now.
What I was saying to my mom was that I saw a mom and her son getting ice cream from Dairy Queen and it was really weird to see them (to see everyone) just living life as though nothing's wrong and they have 'no worries'. Even though we all think (and I thought before this happened) that there were worries. It's like you want to yell to them all, "Hello? Don't you know what's going on? Don't you care? And you're just eating ice cream as if everything's normal!!" Weird.

**Baby Book**
AJ wanted me to play with some of Paul's old Lego. He had out one of the instruction books that had a picture of a motorcycle. He pointed to the words and said, "This says, 'please build a motorcycle'." I thought that was cute.
Dexter slept well for mom, and when he woke early at around 5:20am, mom successfully got him to go back to sleep. YAY.
*AJ is finally going to sleep in underwear tonight. I think the bad part about potty training early, was that it gets drawn out instead of done all at once. So nights have taken a long time. I have sweated it or pushed it, but the reward has always been there if he was interested. He gets a treat after 6 dry nights. Not even in a row, just at all. After about 4 of these stints, he now did a week of dry nights. I asked him if he wanted to sleep in underwear tonight. He said "Yes." So, we'll see how that goes.
Tomorrow, if Richard doesn't change his mind about me bringing the boys out, I'm going to take them to Home Depot in the morning to get a hose and a sprinkler for the backyard. Very needed. VERY NEEDED.

I definitely got heading home way later than planned. Dexter should've been asleep by 7pm, and I didn't pack him in the car until about 8:15pm I think. I popped by Jen's house on the way home as she had a little 'package' for me from my colleagues at Betty Huff where I used to work. It was a beautiful card filled with very helpful gift certificates for dinners, GAS, starbucks, groceries, and videos. Thank you thank you Huffers! Much appreciated.

Once again, I love you all.

Before I sign off, if you could allow me just one more vent of emotion. When Richard woke vomitting at 4am. I woke, stood up, and watched. I didn't know how to help. I know when I'm throwing up, I don't like back rubs and just need my space. I didn't want to be annoying. I just kind of watched and stayed close, waiting for him to tell me or ask me to do something. But then, the awesome nurse guy came in. Immediately, he looked caring, put his hand on Richard's shoulder, and grabbed the box of tissue. Ouch. That hurt my ego a little. I wanted to say, "Hey! I could've done that! I was just being careful." I have a feeling, I'm in for a lot more of those feelings. Helplessness. I'm sure going to have to learn to 'suck it up'. I'm a fixer. I like control. I like things my way. I like to know what I'm doing and have a plan. Leukemia really doesn't allow for that. Leukemia sucks.

And one last bit before I'm gone, knowing that Richard will read this...

Love you so much. Just tell me what you need, or for that matter what you don't need. I enjoyed the cuddles, and no, you weren't a 'kill joy'.

Thanks everyone for helping us to get through this time with as little stress as possible. You're all amazing.

Richard did get around to updating his blog. The link is at the top right of my blog.


Tara said...

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I recall getting visual migraines during my recurrent miscarriage period, and they suck. So stress is certainly a contributing factor, I'd say.

And about people going about their business? I felt the exact same way when we were dealing w/ the miscarriages. Again, it's certainly not the same, but I do understand that feeling.

The Bee Hive said...

I'm so glad you got to stay! And I think you are a wonderful wife and Richard is very lucky to have you as his wife and mother to his children during this crazy time.

AJ and Dexter's Mom said...

Thanks, Jodi.

ErIca said...

can't believe you haven't had a hose and sprinkler all this time- Dex squeals with joy whenever he runs by ours (even when it's not on!)